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Losing Your Job Without Losing Yourself
When we lose our jobs, no matter the reason, we lose a big part of our identity. Think of the last several times you met new people. After names are exchanged and polite comments made on whatever event you are attending, the question quickly arises: "What do you do?" It's a pleasant starting point for conversation and usually gives rise to many questions or a lively discussion. It also allows us to measure and preliminarily judge each other. Until we really start to know someone as an individual, we tend to deal in broad generalizations and stereotypes. By learning what work a stranger performs, we start making assumptions about their values: education, social ranking, work ethic, and personal priorities. Meet someone and talk for a while and unconsciously you are assessing and categorizing, much based on occupational data. Meet a custodian, a plumber, a nurse, or an attorney. Notwithstanding your actual conversation, you have made character judgments that may have little basis in reality but which allows you to fit that person in a suitable niche in your mental organization. When I can no longer say proudly "I'm a mechanic" or "I am a computer operator" my self-esteem plummets. Meet a stranger and admit that I am unemployed, perhaps have been for an extended period of time, and I watch my stature diminish in your eyes. I can talk about what I used to do but I feel somehow tainted and incomplete. I talk too much about why I have no job because I want you to realize that it's not my fault, that I really want to work, that there's nothing wrong with me. The scourge of unemployment is what it does to our minds. We may have watched as our position moved overseas. We may have sensed that our department was running over budget. We may have known that the company was seeking to cut costs. But unless the entire company closed down, or relocated out of state, we believe in our hearts that we were selected for lay off, over someone else, for a reason. And, being human and vulnerable, we blame ourselves. Who has ever been terminated, even from a job you don't particularly like, without ruminating over what you could have done differently which might have changed the final outcome. "I should have . . . worked Saturdays to do that extra project, been more willing to train the boss's idiot son, socialized more with the in-crowd." Whatever it is, you feel guilty. "If I had handled things differently, my family wouldn't be suffering the way they are." You feel not quite good enough, not up to par. Your negative mental tapes start replaying in your head and you start generalizing about yourself and your lack of worth. You remind yourself of all the negative things you've done in life and look at yourself as a failure "Why do I always blow it?" STOP IT! That's a lot easier to say than do, I know. But, it's worth a try. Start by listing all of your positive accomplishments (take your time over this, add items later as you think about them). Anything relating to work is going to be valuable to put in your resume but there is more to life than work so look at other areas too. If your children are not in jail or strung out on drugs, include "good parenting skills" in your list -- you must be doing something right. Include major activities: taking night classes while continuing to work, coaching little league, volunteering for a charity drive, running a household while working full time. When you run out of major areas, start concentrating on smaller items such as cleaning the house, taking your parents out for a special dinner, losing those 10 pounds which had been bothering you. KEEP ON LISTING until you have pages of positive personal accomplishments over your lifetime, from an A grade in kindergarten to painting the patio last week. Now compare the list of your positives, all the things that make you what and who you are, the things that make you a valuable and unique human being, and the one item, no current job, that is your primary negative. There really is no comparison at all, is there? Move your mental focus from those old negative tapes by concentrating on all (and there are a lot) of your positives. Keep repeating and redirecting until habit kicks in and your mental outlook slowly changes. Your self-esteem will improve, your self-confidence reassert itself, your belief in your own worth blossom. Now you are ready to tackle the demands of job search with higher energy and without that baggage you've been hauling around for too, too long. Virginia Bola operated a rehabilitation company for 20 years, developing innovative job search techniques for disabled workers, while serving as a respected Vocational Expert in Administrative, Civil and Workers' Compensation Courts. Author of an interactive and emotionally supportive workbook, The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a monthly ezine, The Worker's Edge, she can be reached at http://www.virginiabola.com
MORE RESOURCES: Careers at Givaudan Givaudan Meet Native American Veterans where they live with a VA career VA.gov Home | Veterans Affairs Careers | Career Opportunities West Virginia University I moved to Alaska after college for a job. I lost all my friends because I put my career first. Business Insider Jobs City of Rochester (.gov) 15 Companies Offering Health Insurance to Part-Time Workers U.S News & World Report Money Careers at TWU Texas Woman's University Careers at FEMA FEMA Careers at Willamette my.willamette.edu Physicians are the nation’s top earners – a slideshow Medical Economics Jobs and Training at FDA FDA.gov Jobs at Liberty University Liberty News Job Seekers University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign Healthcare Jobs at Novant Health | Novant Health Novant Health Careers at VA VA.gov Home | Veterans Affairs Struggling Entertainment Workers Are Fleeing Hollywood — but Some Employers Balk at Showbiz Backgrounds Hollywood Reporter Careers BASF Careers Fred Hutch News Service Careers at University of Missouri Health Care | University of Missouri Health Care jobs University of Missouri Health Care Nursing jobs VA.gov Home | Veterans Affairs Career Opportunities UMHB Jobs at BCA Minnesota Department of Public Safety Statement by Acting Secretary of Labor Julie Su on October jobs report US Department of Labor Careers at Union | Human Resources Union College Careers Washington State University Employment Services American Mathematical Society Recruiters urge candidates to use AI to apply for jobs Financial Times US employers added just 12,000 jobs last month as hurricanes and strikes sharply reduce payrolls The Associated Press Working for ICE U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Newsroom Work at DHS: Career Opportunities Wisconsin Department of Health Services October 2024 jobs report: How two major hurricanes, labor strike might affect the numbers - NBC News UF Health Careers UF Health - University of Florida Health Work for Us (U.S. National Park Service) National Park Service Careers at Prairie View A&M University Prairie View A&M University Job Search Results UnitedHealth Group UN COMMON CAREERS VCU Health Career Opportunities Gilead Sciences Employment | Department of Corrections Governor Tom Wolf Careers S&P Global Careers Medline Reservists (On-Call) FEMA Job Opportunities Bellevue School District How to Apply FEMA Careers Micron Careers at Discovery Education Discovery Education Jobs report on eve of election will be among the most muddled in years The Associated Press Join our team FHI 360 Careers KPMG Careers The Guggenheim Museums and Foundation Internship Opportunities | Careers Boston Consulting Group What Trump's election victory means for job seekers Business Insider IT and Tech - Education Forbes Careers at Jacobs Jacobs Careers in A&O Shearman Work At Chess.com Chess.com Students and graduates JPMorgan Chase Highest-Paying Engineering Careers in 2024 University of North Dakota Careers at NADA NADA Blog Mental health at work World Health Organization The 10 jobs that landed the biggest pay rises in financial year 2024 The Australian Financial Review Benefits for the whole you Accenture Jobs and careers | Veterans Affairs Veterans Affairs Why Employees Quit HBR.org Daily JobFeed NSW Department of Education Who Says Teen Jobs Don’t Come with Benefits? ADDitude magazine 25 Best Jobs That Pay $100K or More U.S News & World Report Money Two unis walking the career path alongside graduates The Australian Financial Review How to realize the potential of rising digital jobs World Economic Forum Current opportunities Turner & Townsend AI Will Transform the Global Economy. Let’s Make Sure It Benefits Humanity. International Monetary Fund May 2024 jobs report: 272,000 jobs added, sharply beating expectations Chase News & Stories Careers City of Norfolk (.gov) 9 Trends That Will Shape Work in 2024 and Beyond HBR.org Daily 8 global issues shaping and driving job creation World Economic Forum |
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