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What Did You Say?
My table-mates introduced themselves as the reciprocal protocol began. We chatted about what we did, where we did it and what we thought of the conference. Stan joined the table as the chicken was served. He'd been introduced to me earlier and we'd talked briefly during the pre-dinner social. Now he was peppering me with intriguing business questions. This was going to be a lively and interesting discussion, I thought. But my hopes vanished faster than an ice cube melting in the desert. I realized Stan wasn't listening. He didn't care what I had to say; he was waiting for his turn to talk. And talk he did, monopolizing the table's conversation with his back-patting soliloquy. That experience got me thinking. My hopes had been raised believing that someone asking thoughtful questions might be interested in the answers. But that's a rare find in this too-busy-to-listen world. We're too busy answering our cell phones, checking our BlackBerries, and posting our instant messages. We're so busy communicating that we fail to communicate. We think because we said something, it was understood. We confuse communicating with understanding, and silence with listening. But the absence of talking is not necessarily listening. Real listening requires focused attention and a quiet mind. It's deep, not surface. You do it to understand, not so you can talk when someone pauses. Deep listening comes from the heart, as well as the head. Deep listeners ignite ideas, influence outcomes and build relationships. They're wonderful to be around. There are few behaviors more powerful in the workplace than receiving someone's focused attention on what you're saying. It makes you feel valued and respected because it's clear that what you have to say matters to them. Deep listeners create dialogues, encourage thoughtful exchanges and enhance creativity. They also build their careers. I learned to deepen my listening skills by using a technique called reflective summary. So for example, if I said to you, "I had a flat tire on the way to work and missed my boss's meeting," the typical response might be, "Yeah, I had a tough morning, too." Or you might share a similar experience. But a reflective summary statement summarizes your understanding of what it is I said. So, you might respond, "You're concerned you missed your boss's meeting?" If you summarized my message correctly then I'd continue with my concerns. If not, I'd clarify. Either way, we'd improve our communication. So, here's my bottom-line advice after twenty years in management. If you want to be winning at working, develop deep listening skills. You see, people who are winning at working know they learn more by listening than talking; persuade more by understanding than arguing; and problem-solve more by asking than telling. People who are winning at working have discovered the power of listening. (c) 2005 Nan S. Russell. All rights reserved. Sign up to receive Nan's free biweekly eColumn at http://www.winningatworking.com Nan Russell has spent over twenty years in management, most recently with QVC as a Vice President. She has held leadership positions in Human Resource Development, Communication, Marketing and line Management. Nan has a B.A. from Stanford University and M.A. from the University of Michigan. Currently working on her first book, Winning at Working: 10 Lessons Shared, Nan is a writer, columnist, small business owner, and instructor. Visit http://www.nanrussell.com or contact Nan at info@nanrussell.com
MORE RESOURCES: Careers at CMS CMS Work At Chess.com Chess.com Report: community college students need more career guidance Inside Higher Ed Careers - Human Resources Kennesaw State University Will Artificial Intelligence Steal My Job? | On Careers | U.S. News U.S News & World Report Money Jobs and Training at FDA FDA.gov Workers eager to fill 3,000 Las Vegas jobs to build Brightline Fox 5 Las Vegas Careers at TWU | The Office of Human Resources | TWU Texas Woman's University Careers Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center Careers Micron Tesla mass layoffs impact Bay Area, with over 2,750 jobs lost San Francisco Chronicle Careers at FEMA FEMA Careers | Job Opportunities | MaineHealth MaineHealth Careers at Bucknell Bucknell University Curry College launches job guarantee program Inside Higher Ed Job Search Results - Careers at UnitedHealth Group UnitedHealth Group Career Paths FEMA Industry sells workers on ag jobs The Western Producer My career race is in the home stretch, here's what I know Financial Times Green careers report: Understanding green jobs and their increasing demand The Economic Times Veterans and transitioning military | VA Careers VA.gov Home | Veterans Affairs Data indicates a strong job market but some employment seekers — even those with a Ph.D. — say they struggle Yahoo Finance Careers Smith College Grécourt Gate What Researchers Discovered When They Sent 80000 Fake Résumés to U.S. Jobs The New York Times Careers at NATO NATO HQ Apply for a Job The City of Vancouver, WA Despite lagging performance, California expected to avoid recession Los Angeles Times Careers at USI University of Southern Indiana Careers Medline Newsroom Work for Us (U.S National Park Service Careers The Ocean Cleanup Careers at Air Liquide Air Liquide Careers | US Forest Service USDA Forest Service Discover Exciting Job Opportunities at LPL Financial LPL Financial Understanding America's Labor Shortage uschamber.com Lawsuit claims Sheetz denied employment to class of job applicants because of their race WPXI Pittsburgh Careers Technip Energies Opinion | Want a 'lazy girl job'? Think again. The Washington Post Early careers UBS AI Will Transform the Global Economy. Let's Make Sure It Benefits Humanity. International Monetary Fund Industry Jobs • ASI Advertising Specialty Institute Careers CPKC Work Here UnitedHealth Group CoinGecko Careers: Careers at CoinGecko CoinGecko Careers with Impact IFC Press Releases New college grads are more likely to be unemployed in today's job market The Washington Post Jobs of Tomorrow: Large Language Models and Jobs | World Economic Forum World Economic Forum Highest-paying jobs in America in 2024, according to U.S. News report Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Best job site of 2024 TechRadar 7 Best Careers to Get Rich - Jobs That Make Millionaires The Military Wallet Education and Development WellSpan Health The Challenges of Retiring from a High-Powered Job HBR.org Daily Opinion | The A.I. Economy Will Make Jobs More Human The New York Times US economy likely generated 200,000 new jobs in July The Associated Press Explore and find your profession TotalEnergies.com John Lewis publishes job interview questions to aid preparation Personnel Today Find a Role Bain & Company Careers at UNHCR UNHCR Jobs Energy.gov Upgraded National Career Service portal to give job market a fillip Business Standard Employment Opportunities City of Windsor Careers City of Somerville Careers | City of Norfolk, Virginia - Official Website City of Norfolk (.gov) Jobs at Parks Canada Canada.ca Careers & Employment Pinellas County Employment Opportunities Unity Health Toronto Departments - Human Resources - Job Openings and Descriptions City of Round Rock ADM Job Openings Unlocking Nature. Enriching Life. | ADM Students & Internships Verizon City Jobs charlottenc.gov Current Job Openings Pinellas County Find your next job at UC University of Cincinnati Careers – Official Website of Arlington County Virginia Government - Advisory Groups & Commissions Careers – Official Website of Arlington County Virginia Government Advisory Groups & Commissions Careers at VA - U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Veterans Affairs |
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